At the beginning of every new year, I roll out a big list of personal resolutions. Sadly, and quite pathetically, most involve cleaning, organizing, minimizing and befriending the many, many nocturnal creatures that reside in my attic. Unfortunately, I never seem to get to any of my resolutions, a fact that leaves me frustrated and distraught.
This year, I decided to take a new approach to resolutions and make them for an area of my life where Iím more prone to keep them: writing. On that promising note, here are my top 5 writing resolutions for the coming year:
1. Quit writing in ratty clothing. This will be my most difficult resolution to keep because, well, I am basically a slug who enjoys wearing the same awful outfit, day after day after day. But, just as folks seeking jobs dress up to do better on phone interviews, I think my writing might improve if I made more of an effort to wear clothing that didnít make me look like a ragamuffin. On that note, Iíll be right back.
2. Quit thinking that Iíve tapped out the Speedo topic. For many years, I annually wrote about my all-time favorite article of male clothing: Le Speedo. Proudly, I covered everything from the origin of the worldís tiniest hammock to the procedure one follows when confronted with an oncoming suit the size of a milkweed pod. Stoically, I weathered the grizzly backlash from offended Speedo-wearers. And eventually, I said: enough. But, I believe itís time for me to get back on the Speedo saddle and sling away.
3. Quit stalling and get writing. A strange thing happens when I sit down to write: I do everything but write. I check my email for the umpteenth time; I call friends; I troll online for junk I donít needÖugh. That said, I resolve to unplug from the world and get cracking the minute I sit down. I will not, however, unplug my space heater. Nor will I refrain from putting it in my lap and cuddling it like a feverish kitten. TMI?
4. Quit writing like a frumpy suburban housewife who wears giant underwear. Itís time to shake things up and write outside the humor box. To be honest, I donít know what that would be exactly, but just thinking about it makes my toes curl. Letís see now, hmmm, what is racy and edgy and yet still acceptable for a family newspaper? Oh, I know: giant underwear!
5. Quit the moratorium on writing about family members. Notice I rarely write about my family anymore? I stopped because the ingrates got so hot and bothered whenever I divulged a drop of disparaging dirt.
Divulged? A drop? Of disparaging dirt? By George, I think the improved wardrobe is working!
Rochester resident Anne Palumbo writes this column for Messenger Post. Email her at