debs two cents

The magnificent arch taken on the lawn of Boldt Castle on Heart Island in The Thousand Islands.

There is much to do in the coming weeks and months.  Thanksgiving is next week, and Christmas will be soon after.  It's my favorite time of year, weather notwithstanding.  There is also much already done this year, and that makes for a very satisfying feeling. 

In the beginning of 2012, my short play "Don't Let Go" was read at Writers & Books in Rochester, NY.  It was gratifying to see and hear my work in 3-dimentional living color.  Even more so though, was seeing, and hearing, the reactions of the audience.  They were generous and positive, thankfully.

The spring brought with it much reflection and growth, and with that came insights with which to write.  The summer arrived with news of an upcoming grandchild, the first actually, and more reason to be grateful this year.

I have been writing more than ever and have published an eBook and several more articles.  I have also been reading and studying more and more about the human condition, and how to wring every savory drop of joy possible out of this life. 

Those who know me know that I'm more than happy to share any insights gleaned with them.  Doing that is one of the things I truly enjoy.  Having people to share knowledge with is one of the things I'm thankful for this year.

I have always enjoyed work, doing things, being productive.  I'm afraid working independently has created a borderline workaholic though.  As I sit researching or writing hours go by without my noticing, the only clue being my grumbling stomach to what the clock-face says.  That, and the text on the screen that my slow, non-secretarial fingers have generated.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

It's easy to think that our individual lives are very small, and that we don't touch many people over the course of one life.  As time continually goes by however, and with the advent of cyber social networking, I am beginning to realize how many people have crossed my path over the years.  It's rather mind-boggling!

I have to say that overall, I really enjoy the connections that technology has afforded me that otherwise would be missing from my life.  It's been great to see who married who, the offspring those unions have produced, and also to share in the sorrows of those long unseen by other means.  However, there can be a down side to all this "connection," just as there can be with real, flesh and blood relationships. 

We need to use discernment about what, and whom, we allow into our minds, hearts, and therefore our lives.  After all, just because I was in the same second grade class with so and so doesn't mean she's trustworthy with my family secrets.  Sometimes these former connections cause us to let our guards down, and sometimes this is much to our detriment.

When people physically cross our paths, there are clues that we can pick up on, such as body language and mannerisms, which serve to alert us to important details about the person.  Details like whether they are honest and sincere, or just plain full of s**t! 

Please don't get  me wrong.  I'm not suggesting that we be paranoid about everyone, just that we be careful and discerning.  Life is fragile enough, and bad things happen every day.  And like it or not, there are people who can and will take advantage of your time, your generosity and your heart if you give them half a chance, even in cyberspace! 

In the words of Robert Frost in his poem "Mending Wall," "Good fences make good neighbors."  On the internet we need to remember our "mental fences."  Having a fence, or boundary if you will, doesn't mean you can't visit, or don't like your neighbor, it just means you have to purposely go around the fence when invited to do so.  We're wise to remember to be thoughtful and purposeful about who and what we let into our lives.

Fall is in the air in the Finger Lakes.  No matter what the calendar says, I can tell by the smell of the air and the fact that it's still dark when my alarm goes off.
I personally would enjoy fall much more if it didn't come right before winter.  It's such a beautiful time of year, and I always really try not to hold it's placement against it, but sometimes it does get the best of me.
I love everything about being outdoors, always have, but I hate feeling cold.  And here, it gets very cold in winter, last year notwithstanding.  It keeps me in unless I have to go out.  Winter keeps my fun to a minimum because I just don't like going out in it! 
Everything, like bringing home a trunk-load of groceries for instance, is such a drag when it's cold.  And if there's snow-forget it!  My balance isn't what it used to be so the likelihood of my taking a fall and injuring myself is substantially higher nowadays.  I already have enough aches and pains without taking a fall.
Most of the material I've been reading lately has been about growth and being a more "positive" person.  I suppose if I'm to learn to apply what I've read to my life, I may want to start by adjusting my attitude about winter.  I can't say if that is even possible, but I think I may be able to focus on enjoying the season that precedes it.  The one that is rich with vibrant colors, rich textures, and the satisfaction of looking back on all of the wonderful, family filled fun of the summer.

I recently returned from a road trip to Florida.  I have some friends and family there and wanted to spend some time with them.  I enjoy the scenery and capturing it with my camera along the way.  I have to say though that this was probably the last time my car will be transporting me on that far a trip.  My body doesn't take to long road trips like it used to, and the flight takes about 3 hours compared to 22 hours or so by car.
I find it very interesting how many subcultures exist in this country.  And taking a 1,300 mile car trip is one sure-fire way to witness a few of them.  When you travel that far you have to stop fairly often, for gas, food and rest rooms if you like to drink coffee as much as I do, so you meet a lot of people.  I tend to be a very observant person, so I notice details.  I like to challenge myself to pick up on differences as well as consistencies along the way.
You don't have to go too far to experience a difference in speech.  As close as Pennsylvania,  a subtle accent can be heard, and also different words for familiar things like "soda" instead of our western New York "pop."  Then further south like in Virginia the accent is obvious, and responses to questions and inquiries from travelers such as myself are most commonly completed with "ma'am."  That's when I know I'm way out of my neighborhood!
When you get that far south and beyond, another very obvious difference surfaces - the pace.  It does absolutely no good to try and rush in anything when in the southern part of the country. Toll booth operators, cashiers, food servers and other service-people are laid back, and they generally don't appreciate customers trying to "hurry them up."  They can spot a "yankee" a mile away by our accent (although I've never thought of myself as having one), and of course our pace.
In order to have a pleasant trip, I had to adjust my perspective a little.  It's easy to jump to conclusions that the people that serve us are being inconsiderate or rude, but that's not usually the case.  It's quite the contrary.  They are being friendly and courteous, and to them that means taking their time with each customer.  When I stop to think about it, that's the way I say I want to be treated.  I'm just usually in too much of a hurry to let them.

I am discovering a lot of "new" things in this, the "middle" of life.  First thing that pops into mind is that I hope to heaven that this is the middle, because that would mean that I have approximately another 5 decades around here.  Originally I was thinking that I had passed the middle 10 or maybe 15 years ago.
Another thing that is new to me now is my perspective.  Like now I don't think 50 is old.  I don't even think 60 is old.  I really think people that have lived this long, and have a nice, fair amount of happiness and joy in their lives should be exempt from feeling old.  And we have something to offer the world-ourselves!
To get to this stage usually entails a lot of bumps and bruises, and with them a lot of lessons learned.  I once read something about smart people learning from their own mistakes, but wise people learning from others' mistakes.  As a parent I tried to get my children to learn from my mistakes, but alas, it didn't seem to work that way.  It never worked for me either, but that never kept my mom from trying.  I guess that's why wisdom is so precious.  It's rare, and what's rare is precious.
So as I get older, and as the "hard way" would have it, wiser, I try not to use that wisdom like a club.  And I'll admit sometimes I really, really want to.  Usually it's better to use it like a feather, or a tissue pressed against a tear, or an extended hand of friendship.  Wisdom doesn't need to be flouted to exist or to thrive.  It just has to be nourished to flourish.

It has been one of those days where I had a number of things on my agenda that I hoped to accomplish.  I started very early, (out the door by 7:00 a.m.) and was full of anticipation for what was looking to be a great day.  However, no matter how much you plan, there are almost always variables unaccounted for.  Sometimes I just need to slow down, decelerate a bit.
People who know me well know that I usually function at about 100 mph, and I get a lot done.  I don't like to waste time so I generally have a book or some work with me when I'm out.  I only had one hard and fast appointment today so the rest of my day was just a bunch of other errands I wanted to get done (like grocery shopping and some networking).  Luckily the cupboards aren't bare yet so we won't starve.

I had stopped at the community college campus to post some flyers and when I came out to my car one of my tires was flat!  Just one of those "variables" right?  Well yeah except I had just had two brand new tires put on yesterday.  I wasn't a happy camper let me tell you. 
Needless to say I called the service manager where I bought the tires from and he advised me to call roadside assistance to have the spare put on, and then to come right in to have it looked over.  So that's what I did.  At least I had my camera. 
While I was waiting I looked around and noticed some pinkish-red blossoms on an ornamental type tree and snapped some shots.  Everything looks so lush right now around the finger lakes.  I realized what a nice day it was.
Forty-five minutes later help arrived and a pleasant young man changed the tire and had me on my way in just a few moments.  I headed down the road to my service-center, as instructed, and low and behold they found that the valve stem was defective.  It was promptly replaced and I was off again. 
I never did get the groceries.  But I'm safe, and nothing terrible happened, and I needed to use up some of the stuff in the pantry anyway.  Pot luck here I come!

It seems that there's a pill for everything these days, and in some cases it helps to alleviate pain and suffering.  Other times however, there is no chemical or man-made remedy that can even begin to touch the depth of one's anguish. 
Please don't misunderstand me.  I have friends that were prescribed sedatives immediately following the deaths of spouses, children or other close loved ones.  Their pain was so acute that even an hours rest was impossible to achieve without some sort of assistance; and rest, sleep, is the only thing that takes the pain away really. 
They were all admonished that this was just a temporary fix, and to only use it for the first few days.  And it did help them to get through that paralyzing, grueling initial phase of the loss, but that was just the beginning of a long, difficult journey to recovery-yes recovery.
I myself lost my mother during my first pregnancy, and because of my condition could not partake of any "chemical relief."  The blow that her death dealt me was an emotional wound like no other I'd ever experienced up to that point.  And like any other wound, I would need to recover from it too.  Eventually the scar would be incorporated into my life and I would go on, fully functioning, fully living, but not for a surprisingly long time.
What got me through was people.  People and time, their time.  Dear friends were at my side as much as was humanly possible for weeks, and even months.  We don't, we can't get through the loss of a loved one by ourselves, although we try.  Sometimes we have no choice and that's sad.  People don't have time to give, but how else can we show we really care? 
Weeks and months later when the cards stop coming, the food is long gone and the flowers have died we feel forgotten.  Being there, listening, giving our time is what will make the bereaved feel cared for still, and ultimately carry them on to recovery.

The calendar says it's spring, and has been for several weeks now, but the evidence hasn't been consistent with that fact this year.  It's been rather cold this spring, and there was snow on the ground the other day!  However, the leaves are green, flower bulbs have sprung up out of the ground, and the feeling that it's spring has awakened.  Everything in nature is new in the spring.
I think we get a sense of this in life too, especially if you live in a colder climate.  We tend to "shut down" somewhat during winter because many of the things we enjoy in the warmer weather we can't do when it's cold.  And parks and services are closed in the off-season.
I rather envy people that participate in winter sports and activities because they are able to stay more active throughout the year.  I, however, am not a fan of the cold so I am relegated to the inside for half the year.  I have taken up swimming in our high school pool which has been very enjoyable and has helped me feel stronger physically, and less prone to the winter "blues."
This past year I decided to utilize the seasonal down-time for growth and reflection, so I set out to read some new books.  Non-fiction is my favorite genre, including memoir and self-help books.  I have to admit that this became addictive, as my list of book purchases on my amazon account kept growing!  My wish list is absurdly long too, but there are worse vices than reading books.
I have learned a great deal from these volumes and am striving to incorporate the wisdom gleaned into my daily life.  It has been helpful to face life's inevitable challenges armed with more or newer insights than before.  The knowledge gained from others' experience can serve to minimize or alleviate many potential complications.
I've also learned of late that it's okay to ask for help or feedback from people I trust; people who won't disown me if I don't follow their advice.  It's during hard times that you find out who your friends really are.  Real friends are there throughout the gray winter, and get to rejoice with you in the spring.

Last fall I wrote a play for a contest sponsored by Writer's & Books and Geva Theater here in Rochester, NY. I'd never written a play before but thought it might be fun. The most difficult part of the project was settling on an idea to write about. The rest just fell into place as I chose something that was dear to my heart. I chose to write about following a dream, and never giving up.

I finished the play and submitted it just before the deadline, almost deciding a number of times to forget about it because I figured it would be long shot anyway. But I decided to take my own advice and give it a try. I was shocked to get the news that it had been chosen as one of ten that would be performed! Let me say, I was also delighted. And seeing it come to life was a wonderful experience that I'll never forget.

Below is a link to the video of the performance. My hope is that it will "speak" to you and encourage you. I'm living proof that it's never too late to follow your dreams!

Click here to watch the play :)

As I reflect on some enjoyable moments of 2011, the late summer excursion to Sonnenberg Gardens in Canandaigua, NY comes to mind. In all my years of living in the Finger Lakes I had never visited there before. The photo above shows the walking bridge in the Japanese section of the garden. I really liked this area because of the pond and stream that is incorporated into it, and I always find water very soothing.
Although we live in a very fast-paced society, there are numerous places we can go to find tranquility. And many of them don't cost a cent. I was drawn to Sonnenberg that summer evening because there was going to be a jazz ensemble playing outside on the porch of the mansion. I have to say, it was an excellent decision! The music was delightful, and the grounds were absolutely breathtaking. Needless to say, the exposure button on my camera was clicking almost non-stop! Every time I turned around there was another striking image to capture.
In the past I have been guilty of putting activities like this off indefinately, trading them instead for household chores or other responsibilities. I've been pretty practical when it came to how to spend my time. I feel as though I have been oblivious to so many things that make life truly worth living, and guilty of taking them for granted. In the latter half of my life however, I resolve to spend my time in ways that feed my soul and give me satisfaction and joy.

Several months ago an acquaintance told me of a tragic, horrific child abuse story that was plastered across the internet news. The things that were perpetrated against this innocent child were disgusting, unspeakable acts.
I responded by saying I did not like to hear of such things, because you can't unhear something once it enters your brain. And this was something I most definitely did not want in me. I know we need to know what's going on in the world. I know I'm not supposed to bury my proverbial "head in the sand." But sometimes it gets to be a little too much.
Consider for a moment what we are subjected to every single day with 24-7 information available. Every time we read, listen to or view a story about some terrible crime we are witnessing it in a very real sense, just like an actual physical witness. We are virtually "in the room" watching the crime happen, only we can't do anything about it. Are we voyeurs? Do we enjoy this sort of thing?
Personally, I don't want to see, hear or otherwise experience these kinds of things. When I see or hear of a child being beaten, a woman being raped or an elderly person being victimized, I get upset! Very upset! A lot of us are getting upset, even traumatized by "witnessing" dozens (or more) terrible acts against humanity every day. Problem is, none of us is getting any kind of support for this-because we're not considered real witnesses! It's not real.
For compassionate people, it's like literally carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders! Instead of just the local newspaper dishing out the bad, worse and worst behavior being acted out, it's the "net" disseminating all of the above from around the globe! I won't even mention examples of what people are doing to eachother because we all have plenty of examples inside our souls already. But it's ugly people, really ugly. And I don't know about you, but it makes me a very angry person, and very sad. Sad for the state we're finding ourselves in.
Then there's the question, are people commiting more acts of violence or are we just more aware of them because of the modern ubiquitousness of information? People will probably be arguing about this question until hell freezes over, but the fact is these things are going on, and we are all right smack in the middle of it. Like it or not. And the view from where I stand isn't pretty.

My four-year-old great-nephew, Anthony, brought this bird feeder to my house last summer and insisted that we hang it on the crab-apple tree outside the sun-room in the back yard. I have to say, I can't remember the last time I had a bird feeder. Never thought much about it. I have enjoyed seeing Hummingbirds flitting around my coral-bells many times though. So I thought, what the heck?
At Anthony's behest, he and my husband went to the garage to find something to hang the feeder with. The two of them returned with some wire, a pair of pliers and a whole lot of determination. And viola! There was now a bird feeder at the Jansen homestead!
The two of them found a spot that offered an unobstructed view from my favorite wicker chair and got it arranged just so. Of course I had to test the view-and it was perfect!
I have had more fun watching and photographing a variety of birds stopping by to feed. The best part is that I wouldn't have bothered hanging a feeder for myself!

As I usually do when I'm out of the house at night, I phoned home last evening to tell my husband I was heading back from Rochester. He was happy to report that they had paved the street so I could park in front of our house. Not in my driveway mind you, but at least on the street in front.

There has been a "reconstruction" project going on on our street for over a month now, and for the last week and a half we have had to park on surrounding streets around the block. UGH! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for civic progress. Never mind the constant clouds of dust, the noise and having to trudge through ankle-deep puddles (did I mention they ripped out the sidewalks too?)

It's not the worst inconvenience in the world, unless you forget the insignificant fact that your car is parked a block away and your trunk is loaded with 13 bags of groceries, four jugs of laundry detergent and one case of bottled water!

Maybe next week they'll have the driveway level with the new curbs so I will be able to pull into it. In western New York we may have snow before then.

Won't that be fun?

I just opened and sorted through about three weeks worth of mail. I've been traveling a lot this year and had a house-guest for two weeks last month. Having company in the house was no trouble at all, it's just that I spent all my free time visiting instead of keeping up with silly things like cleaning house, opening mail (mostly bills) and the like.
For most of my adult life I have spent my waking hours striving to create, and then maintain a clean, beautiful house. Notice the word choice striving, not achieving. However the task of living itself is completely opposed to any shape or form of order in the home.
Lately I have been blessed with the company of some wonderful, long-lost friends and in order to carve out time for them I knew that something had to give. Guess what that something was? There are only so many hours in a day and it can be very tricky choosing how to spend them. When I was younger I almost had myself believing if I pushed myself hard enough I may be able to squeeze more time out of a day! I never would admit to being tired either.
Nowadays the tables have turned and I will gladly admit it. The thing I still struggle most with is knowing when to stop. I'll admit I'm tired for sure, but I'll keep going, and going, and going...until I drop usually. I now know there are only 24 hours in each day, but I don't have to like it.

One of the great things about this country is that our collective way of life isn't one single way of life at all, but rather a vast collage of diverse landscapes for all kinds of people. What people in one area of the country may take for granted, others may be desperate for. Some look out a window and see green meadows. Some look out a window and see paved streets and sidewalks. Others still look out and see tall, brick buildings with rows of glass paned windows that the occupants within see the rest of the world through.

When I rise in the morning I descend down a flight of stairs that bring me to my living room, where I pause to look outside to see what the weather might hold for the day. I see houses across the street. Some have porches, some not, and most have flowers or shrubs in front to greet neighbors and passersby. My village is small, with a population of just over 2,000 residents. It's quiet, quaint and friendly, and I really like living here. That's my choice, and my privilege.

I like that it has the necessities such as a bank, post office, small grocery store and a few shops. I like that it's small enough to walk from end to end and everything in between, and that I feel safe doing so. In the center of town there is a park and tennis courts for recreation. There is also a stream with small waterfalls that has sidewalks alongside it. Just outside town there are farms that grow crops and pastures where dairy cows graze.

A short drive away lies a city of 225,000 people with all the restaurants, stores and recreation I could want. All kinds of cuisines are available in all price ranges to please most any palate, and cultural events abound. I'm also in the heart of the Finger Lakes so there are an abundance of outdoor activities to keep me busy, and the many area wineries aren't hard to take either!

Some people choose to live differently however. Sitting here in south central Florida while visiting a dear friend who happens to live on an orange grove and ranch, I can't help but be aware of how much bearing the weather can have on one's livelihood. Here they have had a very dry spring this year, which means the sprinkler systems have to be run in the groves, and that costs money, which cuts into profits. There was also a frost last winter, which can cut yields and affect the quality of the fruit, or destroy the crop altogether. The ponds that the livestock drink from dry up too.

Life is very different here than at home, the weather notwithstanding. Even a small store is 30 minutes away so you don't want to run out of anything important, unless of course you have plenty of gas in your vehicle and more than a few minutes to get there, get what you need and get back home. My friend not only lives on a dirt road, but the next road is dirt too. You have to go two roads over to see pavement. Not my cup of tea, but visiting is always an adventure and a refreshing change of pace.

It's beautiful too. And you seldom hear a sound around here, from neighbors that is. Because there are no neighbors. You can sleep peacefully at night and enjoy the scenery during the day. I tell my friend often that this is like "another world." It really is like another world. One where land isn't spoiled by "progress" and fences are there to keep the animals in, not keep intruders out. One where respect for people and property still exists. And I really like it here too.